i suddenly let fear overcome me....
warm tears burning my eyes..
n i wish tt i'm asleep now........

suddenly, i tot 'i might b afraid again'

n maybe i lose my hopes yet again...

hmmm
wad did i do today?
o ya.
today's jason bdae!
so we gave him a present early in the mornin, the one tt's a freebie.
gt him a 100 bucks earphone.
n slip in earpieces was the freebie.
we noe he doesnt lyk it, cuz he cant wear those cuz they will constantly slip out! =x

we pretended, n the grp of us gathered ard him.
n we asked 'jason, y gif u the present, but u dun seem happy?'
he said he was, hahaha!
tt we dunno how true was tt.
mayb he's happy he gt a present too! :)

o ya.
mornin: jonan overheard bogard tellin mi abt wanting to get b'fast from south canteen.
i wanted to haf sandwich from splash n decker den.
but jonan tot i was goin to south.
he said 'ur goin to south canteen rite? (can)help mi buy .......'
mi: i'm nt goin to south canteen.
*turns away b4 he cld say more*

siao.
in the end i went to south canteen wif bogard. hahahahaha!
but eh! tt was a last min decision k!

was tokin to eileen n cheryl n they were sayin tt they heard stuff abt jonan n dexter from their frenz who went for the Tokyo study trip.
apparrently they werent tt well-liked there.
n a guy fren of them caught det guys sniffing dmd gals' pillows.
omg. freaking gross alright??? -.-

went out to s11 for lunch.
aft eating, wei jin n jing long went to collect the cake.
------------------------------------------
rite aft they went off, diz 4 prcs came by, sat down at the table behind us.
WITHOUT having the cheek to even ask us whether the seat is occupied, one of them pulled wei jin's chair away.
n aft tt, they put the dirty cups left behind by others right on table!
when WE HAVE NOT LEFT THE TABLE!
when WE WERE STILL SITTING ON TT TABLE!

o my gosh!
R THEY FUCKING BLIND?!!!!
NB!

O WRONG!
THEY R FUCKING RUDE!
BLOODY HELL! NO MANNERS LO!

nvm tt.
i said 'nvm la! get another chair ltr lo!'
the grp of us looked at them.
SO RUDE LA!
if u wan the chair, freaking ASK!!
y?!! no mouth to ask?
or simply cuz they're fucking DUMB and HAVE NO MANNERS?!!
NB!!!
ki si la!
------------------------------------------
okie back to tt.
tink jason was rather surprised by the cake. haha.
o ya, jun ming was there to join us too.
he came down from iap.
took a short video of jason thanking us for the celebration.

took the cake back, so we can share wif the rest.
i kept the present in my jacket, behind mi.
everyone who saw the present behind mi kept laughin at mi. -.-
it looked lyk i haf a hunchback or sth.
we gt jason to close his eyes, so tt i can get the present out n pass it to him.
he was happy i guess. haha!

so! b4 we started singing the birthday song, jonan came out of the toilet.
n ya, he juz stood there (no, we DID NOT invite him to join in)
we guessed he juz wan the cake.
but i tink he waited for too long, n aft tt went back to the lab.
hahahaha!

was tokin to aiax juz nw.
tok to him abt some feelings tt i haf on msn.
feelin beta thou.
told aiax i will b letting shawn noe wad r the things tt i'm feeling.
hope he can rly understand my pov.
n hope everything will be fine :)


can't wait to see you...

okie!
back from dinner wif the rest.
i mean padi, wake, seng, aiax, veg, killua n jie!
veg gt mi a belated bdae present.
5 mths belated, to b exact.
gift was a Parker pen.
hope it's nt too expensive.

feelin veri warm n tired.

tonite shall nt blog for too long n slp st aft tt!

deciding whether shd go for ateam's halloween nite diz fri.
he'll b in camp :(

o ya. tokin abt him.
i forgot to ask stan whether they'll b free for dinner. -.-
nvm. guess i'll cal him tml.

today in sch, showed jason n gang, sam, dexter, wen hao n luo yi the blog post i made ytd!
all of them laughed!!
same said 'wow.. i'm seeing u in a new light'

aft i met up wif killua n the rest, we were making fun of padi's 'fav' vulgarity - nb =x
we tested the diff ways of sayin it. gentle, fierce etc.. hahahaha!

went to look for some props at ntuc aft tt.
halloween props i mean....

i went off from sch ard 4 plus?
aft fusion talk.
there's suposed to haf diz 'Tokyo study trip sharing session'
but we cant b bothered to go =x
we juz went for the fusion talk n the comm was asking us abt wad concept we wanted.
but ya
the person using the bloody mic wasnt tt polite.
n our grp had the feeling tt he juz wanted us to say 'OK I AGREE WITH THIS SUPERHEROES THEME'
we felt tt we juz dun rly haf the rite to decide?
i mean
he was sayin things lyk 'okie. save the trouble. juz choose superheroes.'
n we were lyk 'so wad's the purpose of askin us to come down here from fyp?' (when he said ppl r unhappy wif the superheroes concept itself)
the way he replied ppl.
isnt tt nice either.
it's juz freakin rude.


rite. enuff abt him. if i'm in the mood to post pics tml, i will.
shall go to bed for nw.


waiting for you to come back from field camp...

okie. today was juz tired.
didnt rly slp well.
finally dozed off ard 1, 1 plus?
n his msg came in ard 2.10am.
o ya! he called mi ard 6.48am diz mornin.
i woke up feelin abit gong.
22 secs call n moving on!
he said he had to go off for field camp. so yup.
n we agreed to meet at boon lay mrt station diz coming sat, aft he bk out.
hmm. thinking of getting stan n gang to meet us at botak jones. so he can meet them too.
idea~
hahaha! c how 1st.

missing him . wondering how he's doing so far.
hope he doesnt lose focus.
n prayed tt he'll be safe n fine thruout :)

anyway
today gt irritated by jonan while in fyp rm.
damn bastard sia, tt guy!
kns!

okie story telling starts!
1st i walked over to cheryl n eileen's seats to tok to them for awhile.
next when i came back, i saw the paper on my workstation torn.
paper was torn by some f*cker. (WORD ONLY CENSORED CUZ MY DEAR DOESNT LYK ME SAYING IT)
So ya back to it.
i turned away n asked jason n desmond 'who tear my paper?'
they looked at it n said dunno.
n i replied 'some f*cker.'

aft awhile, i walked back to cheryl n eileen's seats.
den i saw a small pce of paper on dexter's desk.
yes it's true tt the paper look too neat to b torn by someone juz lidat.
but i juz turned to jason n gang n said 'o! he's tt f*cker!'
den we laughed.
they walked towards dexter n said 'cannot b, the paper cut too neat'
den i looked at jonan, who was standing behind dexter, n said 'jonan, did u tear my paper?'
j: yes i did. (n i felt tt his tone was tt of 'i did not do anythin wrong at all')
*cant b bothered n turns away*
jason/desmond: how can juz tear lidat?
j: ltr return her la!
jason/desmond: how to return? *laughs*

ya lo. true wad.

if he rly gt paper
he wldnt need to freakin tear my paper le rite? TMD!!! rly f*cker!
dumb!

so i guess he was feelin sore abt wad we said.
n aft awhile
when i was goin thru rui's pics on facebook, he walked past n said 'i noe u lyk to tk pics, but i didnt noe u lyk to pose lidat'
mi: huh? which one?
j: there. the one which looks lyk zombie. (rui will kill him if she noes bloody jonan is calling her zombie)
mi: tt's my fren.
j: izzit? (voice drowns off n shutting the hell up)

next, i switched to my facebook profile.
n he said 'ee.... tt's ugly'
o n which pic was he tokin abt?
i can tel u, it's either my current profile pic, or another of rui's pic tt he saw (cuz her pic was on my profile pg as well)
n wad's my current profile pic?
diz:
n he says it's ugly??
look who's the one talking??
n u noe wad I did??
i put 'ur nt tt nice either. in fact, ur UGLY! :D' as my MSN nick.
HA-HA!
YES! he's in my contact list.
precisely tt's so. I WANT HIM TO SEE IT!!

correct! he ALWAYS thinks he's tt gd looking??

the last 2 times luo yi showed us his gf pic.
u noe wad tt f*cker said?
he said 'so ugly, nt nice'
remarks lidat!
how bastard can he get?!
nt onli tt! he's a bloody backstabber!
n ya
he can say things lyk 'aft i came back from japan, i feel tt i cannot face the women here. in japan they're rly chio...' etc etc
ya n for tt, i shot back 'den u go back to japan lo'
haha! kns! who does he tink he is? some guy from det onli lo! kns!
if he's gd lookin, he says others nt gd looking, i still can 'omg. thou ur gd looking, dun haf to say others rite?'
but nw.
HE IS NOT EVEN GD LOOKIN LO!
HE SHD FREAKING TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR HIMSELF MAN!
tt time when luo yi showed us his gf's pic for the 2nd time, n there the hell he was, making RUDE comments again, i asked 'so u gt gf?' (pls ppl, do sense the sarcasm when i said tt)
j: gt. but dun show ur the pic
mi: aiya show us the pic la.
j: dun wan. show ur for wad?
luo yi: he dun haf gf, how to show?
*luo yi n I were giggling aft tt*

=x

well, he deserves it okie??

n yes. juz cuz he's been so RUDE all diz while, making veri veri fan jian comments abt ppl w/out taking a gd look in the mirror himself (hey i'm already being veri nice. he shd thank mi tt i didnt ask him to piss n tk a gd look at it using it! =x)

O YA!! BACK TO IT!!

since he's been so f*cking rude!

i shall!

show how DAMN 'GOOD-LOOKING' he is alright? *shy*
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tadah!!!

sibei 'GOOD LOOKING' RITE?!!

nb! still dare to say my bf ugly!
ki si la! tmd! =x

he shd b glad i nv scold him nb st to his face k!
nvm~ we shall wait n c how much longer i can tolerate.
who noes? it might b tml den i explode!
he will noe i'm nt one to b trifled with!

or else~~~

wait til the end of fyp!
n he'll regret for ever stepping on the toes of TAN KAILIN!

til den! shall update more den!

*my sis is sayin i'm so horrible!*
*tt bloody f*cker den horrible lo! tt kns ......*

up to anyone to guess tt word
starts wif 'F'
ends with 'T'
*winks*

I M SO SATISFIED WITH THIS POST =x

FaceBook status: Tan Kailin realises that she still misses him.

he juz tok to mi for awhile.
told mi he's been nice today, cuz he's been msging mi the whole day.
yes i noe dear. ur the sweetest.

i cldnt bear to hang up the phone when he told mi he misses mi.
but i cldnt bear to hang on much longer over at the oth end.
at one time, i felt lyk asking him to juz hang up.

and i realised over the yrs, i haven't changed.
the feelings haven't changed.

i still miss him.
i'm worried and i noe i will miss him.
juz lyk how i was worried n noe i will miss him whenever he went overseas wif our frenz in the past.

i told him to tk care of himself.
cuz it's gonna b tough.

i noe the next few days definitely won't be easy for mi since he'll b in field camp.

i teared abit. but my voice remained strong.
no, i won't let him b worried abt mi during his field camp.

he told mi he'll be callin mi for a short chat tml morning.
juz hope i can keep my cool during the chat.



i'll be waiting for you, patiently...

damn.

smart ah???
rite. last min email by tt SMART person. so last min, tt i doubt tt she's even concerned abt oth ppl AGAIN.

rite. i shdnt type

shd juz copy n paste.

1st part:

1) Club Funds-- As your know that we need alot of funds for the upcoming events and installation. Kailin, I need you to prepare the " Cash In & Cash Out" list, reimburse everyone and tell me how much are left in the club funds so far.
*Note: All excos please assist in collecting the $2 Club Funds and Camp-Tees money from your buddy group members for those who have yet to pay up and give it to kailin on Monday.
Kailin, I would like you to send to all excos the list of those who have yet to pay up so that it is easier for them to chase payment. Please send the list by tonight. Thanks!

ya smart ass.
i sent the list out long ago???
n she demands to haf the list again by tonite??? _|_


2nd part:
5) Decorations & Logistics-- Monica and Kailin, I will let the both of you take charge of this. The venue will be the same as last year's, TFA. By Monday meeting, I want to see yours' ideas on where and what to decorate, the layout etc. As for the Logistics, that will be the later part when door gift, deco items and token of appreciation are finalised. Your can find your committee of about 3 members who are good at this to help you out with the decorations.

last min tel us diz kind of thing.
when we dun even haf the installation theme n col??
kns. no wonder monica called her brainless. kns.
MON LE!!!
siao!
she tink wad? she wkends free means ppl also free ah? knn.

last min always lyk to do diz kind of things. fucked up. nb

forever man. -.-

happy again today.
he promised tt he'll treat mi well n nice. n he rmbed tt he said it on mon!

i really love the way he's talking so nicely to mi.
once again, i'm feeling blessed.
he said diz sat's expenses will be on him.
he said let tt b his 1st contribution towards being nice to mi.

i'm feeling the love between us again.
he said he'll let mi noe if his fren, lulu is there.
it's nice knowing tt he wans my trust.
it's nice hearing him say tt his issues are somehow solved.

it's nice hearing his sweet voice over at the other end.
it's nice hearing his voice so close.
but it's nt nice when he seems so close, but i can onli listen to him talk.
i told him to let mi talk. cuz i was really close to tearing.
it's nt being too emotional.
it's juz tt, i realised, i really miss him.

it's a feeling i don't ever want to forget.
it's a feeling i really miss having.
it's a feeling i just want to have in my life for the rest of my lives.

just because.

i love u, dear :)