lalalala
woooo

nobody to tok to, nobody i wan to tok to.

so i juz wrote n put it as draft in my email.

o ya n it's juz abt how dumb, how cheap i feel i m =p

cheapness for sale
last min change of plans: nt goin for chalet anymore
made mi look for it lyk an idiot

ass.

in a fuckin bad mood cuz of diz n flash assignment nw.

he juz doesnt seem to care, no msgs, nth.

fuck. wad haf i gotten myself into??

god damn it.

i feel lyk shoutin out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


too bad i'm in lab...............................

damn it.

hmm

actually haf quite some stuff to share abt ytd n today..

but will juz tok abt it tml ba..

nt rly in the mood to do so today + i'm so tired after helpin my aunt out today....

hmmm

tinkin abt lots of things.... shit... juz suddenly flood my mind....

abt mi goin to sch to meet him in the past.... goin to one of the canteens 'short circuit' to haf fish n chips.. waitin n studyin in the lib while waitin for him to finish his lessons for the day......


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


I'M GOIN CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!


fuck. damn it.

hmmm

it's a small world after all!!!!!!!!!


great.....

everythin seems to turn out veri badly.....

bear was tellin mi tt he saw a flyin cockroach in his rm.. n he was freakin scared of it...

i started to laugh at how scared he was... den aft tt i was lyk....... i started to tink...

if it's him, i noe he's scared... but at least he'll try to do sth........

hmmmmm

n everythin falls apart again...... shitty n fucked-up life....... constantly reminded............


WHERE'S MY LACUNAR AMNESIA?!!!!

i dun wan to tink abt anythin..

but nth seems to stop mi from tinkin..

i dun even tink i will b gettin the 5 days he promised..

but i juz yearn for a veri gd n deep slp............

hmmmmm

n i realised tt he lied again

on the 26th june, he was sayin tt he wans to solve issues n hopes to haf a solution to it.. so we'll b able to count our anniversaries beta next time??

but aft wad we tok abt ytd, he juz said he cant maintain it...

o well..... =)

tinkin of goin clubin after the bbq at nic's hse tml!

or rather, dun feel lyk goin for the bbq.... juz go clubbin!!

asked gilch but he didnt wan to go... so i'll juz go alone!! woooooooo!!!!!!!!! hahahaha...

自爆自弃！！

n they say love isnt wrong..

but i'll say it's awfully wrong...

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
perhaps i tot tt it's okie to haf onli him in my life..
perhaps i tot tt it's okie to onli depend on him..
perhaps i tot tt it's okie to haf onli him in my heart....

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....

he said tt it's nt rite to rely on him.. he finds it's stressing..

he left juz lidat, w/out a care in the world, w/out even considering how i feel..

tired, i'll say tt of him, of mi..

i tink i've sinked in too deeply diz time... the knife's been too safely planted in, the wound's still freshly openly, nt wanting to heal...

hmmm

a few hrs n i've withdrawn quite badly

gilch started to tok to mi on msn n ask mi whether i'm okie n whether i feel lyk tokin or nt...

but i juz 'hmmm'

n told him i dunno wad to tok abt too.......

wad gilch said:
gilch: u'll question on many things, maybe even have a radical change of views, perspectives...but in the end, everything will turn out well its just another chapter in life you'll nv know how your book ends till the end
always bear hope, because hope is what makes us different

mi: i hope my bk ends nw =)

gilch: shit happens from time to time, i may not know wat really happen to u or wat u're going througheveryone has bad things happened to them before, i've had worst experiences than u can imaginefamily, r/s, frenship, even if everything were to betray you, you still must weather throughif u give up at tis point then this will be the last memory in your mind
i rather end with a happy smile, knowin tat i've weathered through ups n downs and gotten stronger through all of it
becoz u only get to live once, u'll nv come by this place again, u'll nv be 20 again
its only a matter of how you look at it
there is always a brighter side to look atsome things are beyond control, if it turns into a regret then so be itlearn from it instead

mi: i'm aware..but i dun wan to, i dunno y=)

juz go ahead n say.......
i haven been wantin to rly tok to ppl diz days.

but tt doesnt mean i'm nt normal.. i juz feel tt i will b beta alone..

so i've chosen to onli keep everythin to myself..

nobody else will noe.. nobody shd noe....

let mi die from bottling all diz up, pls...

when everything becomes nothing but onli an excuse.......


the other will be deprived of memories, void of feelings..

sometimes - britney spears
You tell me you're in love with me
Like you can't take your
Pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But every time you come too close
I move away
I wanna believe in everything that you say,
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me you just have to know

[ Chorus ]
Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

I don't wanna be so shy oh no
But every time that I'm alone I wonder why
Hope that you will wait for me
You'll see that you're the only one for me
I wanna believe in everything that you say
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me you just have to know

[ Chorus ]
Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
All i really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night baby all i need is time
Just hang around and you'll see
There's nowhere I'd rather be
If you love me, trust in me
The way that I trust in you

[ Chorus x3 (Last Chorus Fade) ]

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
All I really want is to hold you tight
Be with you day and night
Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right
Be with you day and night [ fade out ]


lyrics taken from: http://www.mp3lyrics.org/b/britney-spears/sometimes/

a relationship is between 2 persons, as long as one party has given up, no matter how much effort the other party has put in, it will yield no results..

i'm upset tt we no longer tok over the phone... it's juz different nw...

slowly n slowly, bit by bit... moodless..
hmmm

juz sent him a veri long email

consisted of wad we tok abt in the past thru emails.

realised alot of things....

so i juz said wadeva i can n feel at tt moment in the email...

i dunno whether i'm being stupid or nt.. but mayb love's juz lidat....

had things to blog abt actually.. abt tt day goin out wif kenneth n girl... followed by steamboat @ my aunt's place... den jie n mi went to orchard to get her new phone, samsung soul... lazy actually... hmmm...

or rather, juz dun haf the mood to..

oth thngs i wan to blog abt is wad happened in sch on tues after mocap... the things tt happened in studio....

den followed by mi n him goin off to pauline's bdae chalet... wad happened n everythin....

nt exactly in the mood to blog abt it.. so mayb leave it til everythin has been settled den i shall c how.....

saw yi jie when i was at pasir ris mrt wif him... actually forgot to do an introduction when i saw yi jie lookin at mi n he juz started tokin to mi...

boarded the same train, but different doors.... wanted to haf some alone time wif him... so we started tokin abt things in a corner... omg, i seriously miss him, rly...

guess the word!!
wahahahaha


die die die.

i cant get to slp???

i juz feel lyk shouting

i juz dun feel lyk tokin

i'm deprived of the time

deprived of wad's left of mi...

u can say i haf him constantly on my mind, whether i'm outside or nt

but sth else is on my mind constantly too

D**TH

=p

no idea wad's happenin. juz feel so...........................

hui dao guo qu


回到過去 Hui Dao Guo Qu Return to the Past
Other Translations: none

曲: 周杰伦 Qu: Zhou Jie Lun Music: Jay Chou
词：刘耕宏 Ci: Liu Geng Hong
Lyrics: Liu Geng Hong
Translation: dazzlette - www. jay-chou.net

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯 / 时间在旁闷不吭声
yi zhan huang huang jiu jiu de deng / shi jian zai pang men bu keng sheng
An old yellow lamp / time beside me, not making a sound

寂寞下手毫无分寸 / 不懂得轻重之分
ji mo xia shou hao wu fen cun / bu dong de qing zhong zhi fen
Loneliness mercilessly on me / not knowing different intensities (of light and hard)

沉默支撑跃过陌生 / 静静看着凌晨黄昏
chen mo zhi cheng yue guo mo sheng / jing jing kan zhe ling chen huang hun
Quietness has crossed over to strangeness / quietly looking at morning and sunset

你的身影 / 失去平衡 / 慢慢下沉
ni de shen ying / shi qu ping heng / man man xia chen
Your silhouette / losing balance / falling slowly

黑暗已在空中盘旋 / 该往哪我看不见
hei an yi zai kong zhong pan xuan / gai wang na wo kan bu jian
Darkness is already encircling us in the sky / where I should face? I can't see

也许爱在梦的另一端 / 无法存活在真实的空间
ye xu ai zai meng de ling yi duan / wu fa cun huo zai zhen shi de kong jian
Perhaps love is at the other end of a dream / unable to survive in the realms of reality

Chorus
想回到过去 / 试著抱你在怀里
xiang hui dao guo qu / shi zhe bao ni zai huai li
Want to return to the past / to try to hug you

羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
xiu qie de lian dai you yi dian zhi qi
Blushing (shy) face has a little childish side

想看你的看的世界 / 想在你梦的画面
xiang kan ni de kan de shi jie / xiang zai ni meng de hua mian
Want to see the world you see / want to be in your dreams

只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
zhi yao kao zai yi qi jiu neng gan jue tian mi
Only if we lean on each other can we feel the sweetness (or blissfulness)

想回到过去 / 试著让故事继续
xiang hui dao guo qu / shi zhe rang gu shi ji xu
Want to return to the past / to try to allow the story to continue

至少不再让你离我而去
zhi shao bu zai rang ni li wo er qu
At least I won't allow you to leave me again

分散时间的注意 / 这次会抱得更紧
fen san shi jian de zhu yi / zhe ci hui bao de geng jin
I'll take note when we part / to hug you even tighter

这样挽留不知 / 还来不来得及
zhe yang wan liu bu zhi / hai lai bu lai de jii
This sort of salvage effort, I don't know if it's still in time

想回到过去
xiang hui dao guo qu
Want to return to the past

思绪不断阻挡著回忆播放
si xu bu duan zu dang zhe hui yi bo fang
Emotions keep stopping the memories playing (in my head)

盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
mang mu de zhui xun reng ran kong kong dang dang
Blindly chasing and looking yet still empty-handed (or in vain)

灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
hui meng meng de ye wan shui yi you bu zhi duo dao na qu
On a grey and unclear night, I don't know where sleep has hidden

一转身孤单已躺在身旁
yi zhuan shen gu dan yi tang zai shen pang
Before I know it loneliness is already lying beside me

Repeat Chorus

沉默支撑跃过陌生 / 静静看着凌晨黄昏
chen mo zhi cheng yue guo mo sheng / jing jing kan zhe ling chen huang hun
Quietness has crossed over to strangeness / quietly looking at morning and sunset

你的身影 / 失去平衡 / 慢慢下沉
ni de shen ying / shi qu ping heng / man man xia chen
Your silhouette / losing balance / falling slowly

想回到过去
xiang hui dao guo qu
Want to return to the past

wad else can i do..?
i dunno y i'm doin diz to myself...

i dunno y i keep tinkin abt him..

i dunno y i cant stop tinkin abt everythin for at least a min..

it's bad enuff.. n when i'm out, i also treat it lyk nth's happened at all n juz smile n laugh lyk nth's hurt mi...

i've been hurt, real badly diz time...

convo time~
wake; . says:
wanna talk?

& iT'S bAcK 2 tHe oLd lOng dAes.. if today is ur last day on earth, wad do u wish 4? dps fucks ppl upside down says:
nope nope nope!

wake; . says:
okayy..
i'll be here if you ever need me.

& iT'S bAcK 2 tHe oLd lOng dAes.. if today is ur last day on earth, wad do u wish 4? dps fucks ppl upside down says:
thz :)

wake; . says:
i just wanna see you happy again.

& iT'S bAcK 2 tHe oLd lOng dAes.. if today is ur last day on earth, wad do u wish 4? dps fucks ppl upside down says:
probably cant
or mayb nt for a rly long time :)

wake; . says:
yeah. maybe.
but i'll be waiting. :)

& iT'S bAcK 2 tHe oLd lOng dAes.. if today is ur last day on earth, wad do u wish 4? dps fucks ppl upside down says:
hahaha
waitin for mi to b happy again ah??
hmmmmmmmmm
lacunar amnesia!!
weeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wake; . says:
haha..
i'd prefer it more if i can make you happy again.

& iT'S bAcK 2 tHe oLd lOng dAes.. if today is ur last day on earth, wad do u wish 4? dps fucks ppl upside down says:
prefer lacunar!!!!!

wake; . says:
stop entertaining that thought ba.
you are smart enough le..

& iT'S bAcK 2 tHe oLd lOng dAes.. if today is ur last day on earth, wad do u wish 4? dps fucks ppl upside down says:
:) wadeva it is, thz alot

wake; . says:
kaes.. i'll leave you alone ba..
hope i managed to put your mind off things a little just now. =)

somebody grant mi lacunar amnesia........

i juz need to get by n move on wif all my days.......

juz diz time, pls..

nt rly needed..
sths i dun tink i'm needed at all

whether by anyone or nt...

or rather, ppl might tel mi i'm impt here n there... needed here n there... but wadeva, if i dun feel it, too bad for mi rite? =)


asked wei liang. wad if one day i juz forget abt him lidat....
will he feel sad?

he said he will:

98% if i forget him
2% for forgettin the basic existence of him

hmmmmm........

n so i told him i will write down impt details n ppl in my life in a diary

lyk, for wei liang.. will b 'wei liang - nicest brother found! from ateam.. always callin himself cute n crown prince.. floorball star player...'

meow will b 'poly's gd fren!! has a blog (blog add).. bdae's on 30th may, juz one day after mine...'

n the list might or might nt go on...

dun haf much to rmb ppl of....

or rather, dun wan to rmb much of ppl....

veg n wake asked: wad will become of life if i live w/out any memories at all?

i told them: i will haf a new set of memories =)

tt's all i can gif myself, at least for nw.. to continue researchin on lacunar amnesia.. =)

fuck it.
fuck. fuck. fuck.

i'm feelin damn f-up nw....

nt gonna say anythin much/more.

but can anyone tel mi whether lacunar amnesia is possible?!!!


desperately in need of tt......




deprived of memories, void of feelings

20 days........ God's depriving mi the time....

it's abt to snap, it's abt to break

wadeva
i tink i'm becomin veri heck care in my life stuff etc......

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

fuck.

tired tired tired...
hmmmm

random post

realised tt i haven been updatin often abt my activities etc...

nt much mood to update....

shall c when it gets beta........


for nw, i'm tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do You Have Depression?
taken from: http://www.memorylossonline.com/summer2001/depression.html

Major depression is a serious psychiatric condition, characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, guilt or worthlessness, often accompanied by:

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
• A loss of interest in people and/or activities that once brought you pleasure.
• A change in eating or sleeping habits.
• Feeling tired all the time.
• Restlessness or irritability.
• Thoughts of death, suicide, or harming yourself.

juz happen to c diz....

veg: so u'll let her get hurt when u noe she'll get definitely get hurt bad if she chooses the path she took??if i can't protect the gal i care for..then wat's the purpose of being a man...when u can't even protect the person at the very minimum

wake: what girls want is not someone who sounds like a man, but a real man who knows to be sensitive at the right moments, and ONLY at the right moments.

hmmmmmm

wake juz said diz 'you don't need to be with the person to be able to treasure him/her. '

hmm.. i wonder... i rly wonder.. will lettin go rly make us feel beta??

hmmm...
i was upset, n he joked to make mi happy..
it was rly veri nice n swt.. i started laughin nt long after tt..
everythin became normal after tt....


i woke up n found myself in e308's stage....
it was all but just a dream.........

random post??
okie i'm bored

tml goin on the expedition to berkelah waterfalls already!

meetin hidayah at 11.45 at shoppin arcade..

promised each oth nt to go off til we c each oth

ya dun even wonder.. no phones allowed -.-

so nvm.....

when we heard it, we were lyk wth???

no phones?? den how m i supposed to tel my sis/parents tt i'm safely there already??
--------------------------------------

spent more den 2 hrs packin my bag?? 9kg -.-

lucky it's nt green in col.. othwise i will seriously look lyk a tortoise...

4 days....... i wonder..... hmmmm.......

i hope i make more frenz there! =p

hidayah n i dunno whether we shd feel excited or nt -.-

mayb a part (a veri big part) of us feels sian??

dunno.....

but.... o well... wad can we do?? juz go n enjoy!!

gonna wk as event coordinator on 12th july....... hmmm....
120 per day... i hope it wks out well...
----------------------------------

sian sian sian!!
----------------------------------

bear's askin mi wad time i will b reachin sg on thurs.. haha.. he wans to go chomp chomp to haf his lala..

n tinkin abt edmw, we went out tt day

noon went to botak jones at amk for lunch wif darkling, veg, bear, wake, rr n hiro..

reached there ard 3 i tink

n after tt they were veri nice.... they went to beach rd wif mi to get my deuter bag!!

okie shall post the pic on another day...

costs mi 129...
rosen jie jie paid 100 for it.. n mum paid 30 bucks!

for my bdae present, rosen said! nice rite! =p

hiro kept rushin mi cuz he was feelin freakin hot at the army market at beach rd.. haha..

bear kept disturbin mi the whole day -.-

rr was quiet, onli laughin in between our convos........

uncle was quite quiet too... but still tok to us...

after tt.............

uncle had to go hm
wake gonna meet his frenz at cathay for show...
rr wanted to go to kino.. but after tt mi bear n hong sheng started tokin abt where to go after the beach rd trip den he changed his mind too hahahaha...

we were tinkin whether shd go to max n lil lin's outing.....

n when we finally decided to go hm after a long tinkin session.... we juz suddenly alighted at dhoby ghaut.... hahahaha...

juz veri sudden..

n we suddenly called max n asked to join them too..

max kept smsing mi to ask mi whether i'm goin for the movie too.. cuz he juz wan to bk seats....... -.-

said no n he still asked.....

in the end we joined them..

aiax, max, lil lin, tualang, rr, kim, bear, mi, punkists, hiro, freezeguy, kster, hoshiko, bchan were there..

unexpected guests: hengbok n siaomouse.

we went from place to place tryin to look for places tt cld accomodate all of us.... long wait for billy bombers n some jap resturant

in the end we settled for this indonesian resturant.. n i can say the food isnt veri gd either...

the kang kong................................................. was rather disappointing...

bear was being nice, n he asked mi whether i wan to haf his chicken....... nice rite? haha..

hengbok's dressing is.....

okie let's juz say she onli bother to cover her top n the back (1 strip across)..
n her skirt was short...
n coverin onli half of her butt... (lower part of cuz)

n no, it looks purely disgustin :s

n came the spoiler when siaomouse shouted across the table at bear. sayin some dumb stuff lyk askin him nt 2 b 'ti ki' n nt to b a brat tt sort of things........ dumb.... he tink he 40+ veri smart meh??? rly so smart den wen ruin the entire table's mood le lo...... the WHOLE TABLE stopped tokin... silence in progress, yeah.......

*****stop here....

freakin tired n ought to go for a rest since i haf t wake up ard 10 plus tml........

n it was juz meant to b a random post... hahahahaha.. i dunno y i can type so much out...

i'll probably continue when i'm back from m'sia......

*****
sths i tink i still miss....... but i'm also @ the pnt of tinkin whether i'm rite in doin tt n tinkin abt it.....

but den again, it's onli my pnt of view.... doubt the oth feels the same....

cuz since it's already been mentioned, reviewed n asked 'y bother to b tght when ur onli 3/4 happy?'

tt mayb rly concludes everythin once n for all.....

i've nv felt so........... disappointed......

n hopeless, might juz b the rite word =)

wadeva?
dun say u can reach hm early if u cant...
dun find excuses for urself cuz i dun tk it...

wad's the pnt of smsing aft tt when i already had a hard time tryin to look for u earlier on??
wad's the pnt when i finally contacted u n ur juz hangin out late again -- n tt's the DIRECT opp of wad u promised..

IF u cant do it, dun say it..
it's as gd as nth...

dun tk mi for granted..
stop the bloody tinkin tt a cal after tt can solve everythin once n for all..

if u dun notice it, tk note, tt i can get myself nt to bothered wif u...
n if u do notice it (which i dun tink u did), den gd for u =)